She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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