we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
