You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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