just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
sex in a hospital.. check
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
