I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
