Pants 0. Shit 1.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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