If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
