Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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