I love black thongs
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
