just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
