i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
