just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
