my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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