How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
