No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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