he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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