i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
