when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
