Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
