We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
