It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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