When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
