Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
