I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
