I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thus making me awesome and them whores
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
