you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
