i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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