Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
