i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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