tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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