I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
