I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
