I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
