Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
