All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
