I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
