Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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