Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
