wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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