I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
