thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
