And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
