i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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