his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
