Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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