I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
