Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
