do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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