it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
