Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
