this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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