My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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