I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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