she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
