Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
