I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize