he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
