I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
