If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
