Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
