Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
