What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
