Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
