If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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