My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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