went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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