she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
